Albany-1 Week In

So, it's been a week since I first arrived in Albany. In many ways it feels like I've been here for years, and in others, it seems like I just arrived and unpacked.

It's funny how out ideas of things or ideals are so often not the reality we experience. Perhaps its from watching too much Disney or Hollywood movies, or even being too much of an optimist by nature. Whatever the case may be, I have found myself here; the place where the "rubber meets the road". My excitement and anticipation of this move to Albany has all but since been worn away to reveal the stark, challenge of reality.

We often assume many things about ourselves- what we think we are, how we see ourselves, but its often in the light of the best possible circumstances. For instance, when we see ourselves as confident, outgoing individuals, usually it is in places we are familiar, or with people we know. When you shake all of that up- you can see an entirely different side of yourself than what you imagined.

Maybe all of this is mumbo-jumbo to you, and I apologize if it is, but I share it because it is something that is deeply on my heart at this moment. While God has been SO faithful to provide me with SO much- this job with guaranteed hours, a reliable car, safety in traveling, a place to stay and food to eat, I have struggled to keep my chin up. I never realized how much of a people person I was, how much I needed others around me until now- as I'm living alone in a strange city, without friends or anyone to experience it with me. It's honestly all I can do right now to fight discouragement and loneliness. I am so thankful for my family and friends and those who continue to pray for me and encourage me to continue to offer myself up to the Lord, to see this season as one which the Lord has prepared and has a PURPOSE in. I know the Lord has great things to teach me in this season, and, praise His name, He even spoke to me of the loneliness of this season over a year ago to begin preparing my heart. I guess now I only have the choice to follow and obey or sit and despair. Thank you so much for the many of you who are praying for me and encouraging me. I am nothing, apart from Christ, and see more of that as I come face-to-face with myself in the midst of these challenges.

On a note of progress, I finished 2 days of orientation to the Medical-Surgical floor of the community hospital in Troy, and had a great time learning from all the friendly staff members there. The floor is much like one big family, and it was really neat to see their teamwork and know that I get to step into an already well-oiled team! :) I was quite overwhelmed with the amount of things to orient to in only 2 days, so thankfully I get to have one more day of orientation before I'm on my own next week. Ahhh!!! I'm so nervous, but I know God will see me through. They use a type of nursing called "team nursing" where, instead of having 3 or 4 patients you are solely responsible for, you have a group of 8 patients to a group of an RN, LPN, and CNA. An effective system, but one which I'm hurridly grasping at to learn.

I just wanted to put up a couple of pictures of my family before I left home just because I realized that I didn't put a post up about my new niece, Abigail Susanne, who was born October 24th. So.. here's a couple of pics to brighten up this post. :)


Abigail Susanne Helweg, born October 24, 2010 weighing 6lb 3oz, 18 1/2 in.


Her first smile captured on film by yours truly! Auntie Anna gets double points for capturing both Bekah AND Abigail's first smiles on film! :)


Isaac and I... the cool ones, OBVIOUSLY. ;)


My all-time favorite- me and my "mini-me", my 2nd niece, Rebekah. It's CRAZY how much she resembles me not only now, but also looking back at my baby pictures. Crazy, crazy! I personally love it, ha ha! But I'm sure the one ginger (red-head) looks a bit odd in the brunette family. ;)


Finally, a picture of my small group Bible study at our Thanksgiving meal! I LOVE and miss each and every person from there SO much! ... there are just no words. :)

About time for a post update!

My new "home away from home".




Hanging out with those crazy Bennor's! :)


Our family picture this Christmas season! :)

Hi everyone! So sorry I haven't kept up on my blog... for a while nothing changed, and then, all of a sudden, everything started changing!

My last post was on November 3... since then, I continued applying for every job I could through my travel nursing company-still with NO results; no phone calls, no interviews, NOTHING. I continued praying and wondering what on earth God was up to... didn't He know how much I needed money to be able to go to Sierra Leone? Why was I still living at home with my parents and without a job?

Well, with the encouragement of a friend and feeling I had given my first travel company enough of a chance to find me a job, I applied with a new travel company- Medical Staffing Network (MSN)-the InteliStaff branch. I applied with that company, going through that entire process once again, and was moving towards working per diem for hospitals in the Twin Cities from now until I left for Mercy Ships Feb. 17th. There was one contract job that I put my name in for in Albany, NY when I first applied, but I didn't expect to hear from them, and actually forgot about it during the hustle and bustle of starting up in the Twin Cities.

I knew the last possible day I could have time to be hired to finish out an 8 week contract position would be Wednesday, Dec. 8. So, what does God do? Shock the socks off of me and throw my plans back into my face! On Tuesday, Dec. 7th, I got a call from the nurse manager at the hospital in Albany asking for an interview. After about 15-20 minutes, she offered me the job and asked, "When can you start?" WHAT??!!!??!! I was SHOCKED! "As soon as possible" I answered. The 2 days following were a whirlwind of phone calls, emails, signing and scanning documents, and finding out about my housing arrangements when I got to Albany.

Thursday night, after a Christmas celebration with the family, I packed my car, and Friday morning I left at 5:30am for Grand Rapids, MI (my half-way goal) where I got to stay with the Bennor's. After that 15 hour driving day, I only had 11 hours left to go on Saturday and arrived at my extended-stay hotel in Albany at 11pm. I have a couple of pics of the room- it's perfect. Small, but has everything I need- compliments of MSN (as part of a contract. NICE, I know!). Whew! So I've just been finding my way around Albany, stocking up the cupboards and settling in, waiting for my first day of orientation tomorrow (Wednesday). I'm so excited to be working again!

Thank you SO much to all of you who have been praying for me these past few months.. it has been a very challenging time for me learning faith, trust and patience to a degree I never imagined. I'll keep up better now in the days and weeks to come, so stay tuned! :)

Elections ponderings...

As I waited in line at the polls yesterday to cast my vote, my mind began to wander back to the last election that I had been through. Only, that election hadn't been one of quiet voters booths, patient (or impatient) lines of people awaiting their turn to cast their vote. Instead, it was a presidential election of the developing country of Togo March, 2010. While I never made my way to the voting booths in Lome', Togo, the bit of election "excitement" was far from the hyped-up anticipation we find here in America. At the end of March, and the weeks leading up to and following the election day, there was dangerous tension in the air. While the Togolese people had the "right" to vote for the next president, the possibility of corruption amid the election process was heavy on the minds of the Togolese. This expressed itself through occasional riots in the city and strict curfew for us Mercy Ships volunteers for the 3 weeks surrounding the election. Thankfully, little fighting and few deaths occurred in the city of Lome' by the time the elections were done, but just as was suspected by the people, the previous president had been "re-elected" in.
So as I stood in line, waiting for my turn to fully color in all of the little ovals on my voting sheet, I thought of how thankful we should be as a country to have justice and accountability within our government system. No... our government is not perfect by any means, and corruption most assuredly exists within our systems, but the fact that it is built upon being answerable to its people is pretty incredible. As we live a move through another election year, we don't have to worry that our voices will be construed to meet another people's desires or agenda. But then the question remains... how will we responsibly exercise our right and ability to vote? That question lies with us.

A poem for the season...

My heart poem in this season that I came across as I was going through some old folders of mine. Was dear to my heart then, and is ever dearer even now.

Wait

"Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said,
'Child you must wait.'

'Wait? You say, wait!' my indignant reply.
'Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith, I have asked and am claiming Your Word.

My future and all to which I can relate
hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a "Yes", a go-ahead sign,
or even a "No" to which I can resign.

And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
'I'm weary of asking I need a reply!'

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, 'So, I'm waiting... for what?'

He seemed, then, to kneel
And His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said,
'I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun,
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

All you seek, I could give,
And pleased you would be.
You would have what you want-
But you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power I give to the faint;

You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me;
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove:
You'd know that I give and I save for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort lat into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.

You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that, 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true

But, Oh, the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!

So, be silent, My child, and in time your will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still 'Wait'."

-Author Unknown-

It's Official! Heading back with Mercy Ships to Sierra Leone, 2011!!!

The official acceptance letter from Mercy Ships has finally arrived! :) Hooray! Will be serving back on board the Africa Mercy for 6 months next February-August. I can't wait!
While it seems that Feb is a long way off, I know that it will be creep up QUICKLY and be here before I know it!
Still no word yet on a job. I keep applying and applying, but haven't received any phone calls for an interview. The feedback I get and what I hear from my friend Laura, who has traveled with this travel nurse agency before, is that it takes a while to get your first assignment. It took her a couple of months to get her first assignment, so I guess I'm right on track compared to other first-time travelers. It still doesn't help in the discouragement department, however. I never thought I'd feel unwanted as a registered nurse in America, but I guess the travel world is a bit unlike regular employment opportunities for nurses- a bit more competitive. So, I keep waiting... learning trust and reliance upon the Lord and having to walk out belief that his plans are not my own.
I've been able to seen and hang with my family, though, and have enjoyed that immensly! Here are some pics of Bemidji quality time:

Went on a "field trip" with my sister Laura and my two nieces to watch how honey is harvested and processed.

Golden retriever puppies and a visit from Grandpa and Aunt Noreen. Went to Itasca State Park on a beautiful October day!



Made time to go up the firetower at Itasca and see the Fall colors as well!

No news is... patience in waiting for God's timing.

It is true. I am STILL in the season of waiting... waiting for a job, waiting to find out when and where I will be moving, waiting to sell one of my cars... lots and lots of waiting. While I generally categorize myself as a flexible person able to "go with the flow" quite easily, even I am wearing thin in this waiting game... you can only "go with the flow" when you have at least one "flow" going... I have none of the above, so in Bemidji I stay. :)

Don't get me wrong, it has been WONDERFUL to be at home and spend more time connecting with old friends, teachers, and family. In fact, because I have stayed I was able to attend a friend's wedding and fully enjoy the Minnesota Autumn (my favorite season) which I didn't think I would be able to do. My parents are so wonderful and generous to let me keep staying with them with my boxes and piles of stuff here and there throughout there house as I unpack boxes, organize, and re-pack to prepare for whenever I get my travel assignment.

However, I will be honest and say that I didn't want my life to slow down to this extent, because now in this time of rest and recooperation a lot of post-Africa and post-Harriman lodge processing has been coming forward in my mind and heart. Faces, situations, emotions, tears... a lot has been pushing its way out of the little cubbies where I've kept pushing them as I've hurried here and there after coming home in May from Togo only to fly out to NY for the summer. They peek their little heads into the light and wait to be recognized and fully looked at as I desperately glance behind me, hoping they will just disappear or find their way back to the dark corners. (I don' t try and avoid things at all, do I?) :)

Questions like:

1) What are you suppose to be doing with your life?

2) What do you want? More importantly, what does God want?

3) Are you living, actively remembering what you saw and what God taught you in Togo?

4) Are you living purposefully each day, obedient to God no matter what the situation?

5) Where is your joy? Where is your thanksgiving?

6) What does it look like to live in community when your community is so rapidly changing?

7) Will I ever feel at home again?
All of these questions and more flood my mind, asking for answers and bringing me before God in prayer.

One of the phenomena that I didn't quite expect coming home, is that I feel like I'm not home. I see the familiar faces, familiar places, things and people that hold years of memories and love, and yet it's different. I feel like something is missing. When I was in Togo, I felt like my family and friends and my Bemidji community was not there, so it was not home. I went to Harriman Lodge and now neither my Bemidji family or my Mercy Ships family was there, so it never quite felt like home. Now, I am physically "home", but my heart keeps wandering to Togo, Ghana, New York, the UK, so many other places... so many people; missing.
I am left wondering if I will ever feel at home again.

II Corinthians 5:1 puts it well;

"Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands."

As I remember my dear friend Erin once telling me, when you go and invest your heart in places and journey through life with people in those places, there is no place in which you feel like you are whole, because there is no place, apart from the promise of heaven, that we can be in all of those places with all of those people at the same time. You are just always left longing; longing to feel whole again. I never thought I would be in a place where I could so deeply relate to those words, but at this moment, I find myself staring intently into the eyes of that reality. Oh, how sweet heaven will be.

On the upside, please enjoy these couple of pictures from my time in MN! :) I have loved being so close to my little nieces and my family. :) PG Tips anyone? :)

Climbing the Itasca State Park Fire Tower with my Aunt Catherine

Spending the day with my Grandpa, mom, and Aunt Noreen at Itasca State Park :)

Coffee dates galore! One with my dear friend Kathryn, in the pic above. :)

A Season of Waiting...

Here I am, in the interim of seasons, looking behind at the memories and relationships from one season, looking ahead to the many unknown experiences and relationships to come. Yet, here I stand, in the perfect “no man’s land” center of the two revolving seasons.
I recently finished my summer with AHRC in East Jewett, New York at Harriman Lodge. Our last day of camp was September 1, followed by massive cleaning efforts and a staff celebration banquet that night. As we all sat around tables in the dining hall, smiles, hugs, and laughter all around, I remember sitting back looking at all the familiar faces thinking “I have fallen so in love with this place and all of these people. It is going to be so hard to leave tomorrow.”
God is so amazing. You see the irony of my statement was that I was never suppose to be at Harriman Lodge this summer- I was supposed to be at Harriman’s sister camp, Camp Anne with my friend Sarah Couch. Ending up at Harriman was a “mistake”. Really, the only mistake was me ever doubting God’s plan for my summer.
After a wonderful night just hanging out and celebrating the summer, that next morning I felt my heart tearing as I had to say goodbye to so many people I had come to LOVE. As I had said to my friend, Martin that morning, the friendships you develop at Harriman Lodge are different than friendships you would develop at home. At Harriman, you spend 24/7 with these people for 3 months straight! If you counted up the hours spent with these people, I have a feeling it would surpass the number of hours most of us spend with our “good” friends in an entire year! While this type of “community living” builds those types of friendships, it also creates much tension and frustration. The good along with the ugly like the rest of life.
So after many tearful goodbyes and prolonged hugs, I said goodbye to Harriman Lodge, wondering if I would ever return. Sarah and I left from there to go to Albany where I caught a rental car and drove up to visit my friend Laura Coles, another friend from the Africa Mercy, through the Adirondacks to Potsdam, NY. BEAUTIFUL drive (see pics). We climbed Mt. Azure, enjoyed the sunset from the top (off of a firetower located on top), and spent the night at a Young Life camp in Saranac Lake area. I drove back to Albany from there and flew home September 4th.
I came home for a joyful reunion with my family, and am currently at home with my parents, waiting for a travel nursing assignment through my new employer, American Traveler. I could end up anywhere across the nation for a job, and continue putting my name in for positions, awaiting a call back for a phone interview with hospitals I apply for. Nothing yet, but learning to trust and have Faith in God through this period of waiting. Just like I said above, He knew what he was doing with Harriman Lodge- how much more so for a job for me this fall. Praise His holy name. He is and will be enough.